What is Resilience, and Why Do We Cultivate It?

When we talk about resilience (like we did when we introduced the concept of “shame resilience”), we are speaking about a really powerful concept that gives us an opportunity to change the way we live in the world. The beauty of resilience is that it is something we can cultivate, rather than an inherent trait that we either do or do not naturally have. And when we have strong resilience, we are able to navigate our lives with more ease, confidence, and direction.

So what exactly is resilience?

As defined by the American Psychological Association, resilience is:

“the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress”

In layman's terms, it’s the ability to “bounce back” after difficulty.

To be certain, we are each born with a certain level of inherent resilience—the way you behaved on the kinder playground was certainly different than the way other children did. Each of us has a baseline of sorts, a natural resilience setting. But through facing fears, learning from challenges, and sitting with discomfort, we’re able to build our resilience and change our baseline over time. Let’s dig into the ins and outs of resilience a bit more, today, shall we?

Like many of the other concepts we’ve discussed here at Reframe, “resilience” is often used interchangeably with other concepts in its genus like “mental toughness,” “grit,” “fortitude, “mental endurance,” and so on. This is fine in a conversation with your neighbor Jan, but when we’re diving into the ways we can change our minds and our behavior, it’s helpful to get specific.

Resilience differs from “mental toughness” in order of operations; resilience is what helps us get back up after a challenge, while mental toughness helps us avoid challenge in the first place. Similarly, resilience differs from “grit” in duration. Resilience is more momentary, while grit involves forging on for long periods of time, regardless of roadblocks and challenges. These terms are all interrelated and can build on each other, but it’s helpful to make distinctions when we’re working to change.

One of the key components of resilience is the part that comes before resilience: hardship. While we all have those baseline resilience quotas, we increase our resilience by experiencing disappointment, failure, challenges, and discomfort. Getting through those events in one piece, rebounding after a fall, or getting back up and trying again all help us increase our resilience and build our strength for the next challenge. It’s never as hard as the first failure, so long as you make it out on the other side. This is called “self-learned resilience.”